The Happiest Place on Earth

For the past year I've been a passhole. I've held an annual pass to Disneyland in Anaheim, California and I have enjoyed the hell out of it. The reasons why I go are many, but the reason why I keep coming back has a little bit to do with the food. Here's a list of some of my favorite things and places to eat, keep in mind I haven't eaten everywhere and I am not including the Disneyland hotels or Downtown Disney.

Dole Whip
A magical soft serve sorbet made from Dole pineapples, only found outside of the Enchanted Tiki Room. Completely refreshing and completely addictive, best enjoyed with popcorn or while watching animatronic birds click and sing above an enchanted fountain.

The Monte Cristo
Best known served at the Blue Bayou, which is the restaurant next to the legendary Club 33 and inside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Definitely worth visiting once or twice, if only for the ambiance. Make a reservation way ahead of time for best seating.

Popcorn
Freshly popped. Need I say more? The black pepper popcorn in California adventure is also good but becomes too intense after a while.

Soup/Gumbo/Chowder in a Bread Bowl
Best in California Adventure, right where they bake the bread. The line is longer but it's better than you'll find in New Orleans at the little gumbo stand.

Mickey Mouse Beignets
That lovable scamp may just be most lovable when deep fried and coated with powdered sugar.

Cream Cheese Filled Pretzels
Delicious. Sweet inside, salty outside, warm and delicious.

Corn Dogs
Famous and deservedly so. I never enjoyed a corn dog until I had one here. I like them best in Frontierland where they are served with apple slices to make you feel like you shouldn't hate yourself for eating such a deep fried calorific treat.


I have had very few bad meals at Disneyland. I will warn you away from their mediocre chicken tenders, as well as their drenched-in-dressing salads. Honorable mentions for this list include french fries, churros, ratatouille, stir fry tofu bowls, and anything from the mexican places.

Happy eating fellow Mouseketeers!

To all the Girls I've Loved Before

Many of my greatest stories involve people I have loved and many of these stories do not portray them in a flattering light. When you tell a story in person you have control over your audience, you can tell who is in earshot, you can tell who you are talking to and usually know who they know. Word of a story can travel, but it usually not very far. With the internet you never know. Everything is public and this is frequently forgotten, but not by me. How can you tell a story about a pathological liar, when he could easily read it? How can you tell a story about someone afraid of food, when he will see the link and the subject to your food blog. Some people have a good sense of humor. Some people don't. One thing I never aim to do with my writing is hurt anyone, but what you think of as endearing or mean without offense, can attack someone's weakest point.

For six months I dated someone with cibophobia, fear of food. There was a list of food items he would eat, and he was terrified of anything else. Perhaps it came from his weak stomach and the fact that he would constantly claim to have food poisoning after meals that left me completely fine. Regardless, it meant that the idea of going to a new restaurant filled him with fear, loathing, and usually an upset stomach. He would scan the online menus of restaurants for items he could eat, he would order items without sauce and would stick to the mainstream chain menus that he had eaten his entire life. I couldn't cook for him, due to his fear that he wouldn't like what I made. Perhaps it was his grocery-store catered Thanksgiving dinners, perhaps it was constantly eating out, perhaps it was his lack of exposure to vegetables, but even the idea of a new sauce would send him into a frenzy.

He went to therapy for it, found that he still didn't want to eat cheese, and never went back. With one standard dish he could order at each type of restaurant, he could at least give lip service to eating out with friends, but the amount of plain burgers and substandard Jewish deli sandwiches, eventually began to drain me.

I never realized how much I enjoy eating new things and going to new places as much as after I stopped dating him. Once the worlds of Korean, Caribbean, Japanese, and all the strange foods that one can find in Los Angeles were re-opened to me, I found that life tasted sweeter, spicier, more bitter, more sour, and had much more umami*, and not just when it comes to food.


*a category of taste known initially only in Japan which refers to savory, brothy, or meaty. 

On Chain Restaurants

Last night I downed appletinis and fried green beans with "wasabi sauce", "pot stickers"*, boneless buffalo wings, and a chicken quesadilla at the flashy institution known as T.G.I. Friday's. No longer does TGIF mean the upcoming weekend or even ABC's Friday night TV line up that included Boy Meets World, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch and the latest incarnation of the Olsen twins, but a restaurant serving mediocrity.

I like to think that for the most part, restaurants have multiple locations because they are so good that one location can no longer serve their customers completely. In the case of corporate chains like Friday's, it's awkward sister Ruby Tuesday, Red Robin, Outback Steakhouse, etc etc etc. What they end up serving is consistency. It's the standardization of the menu, restaurant, and ambiance that draws the crowd. I will acknowledge that like all chain restaurants, there are better and worse locations. My mother used to live near the Denny's at Denny's corporate headquarters and swears that it was some of the best breakfast food she's ever eaten. However most locations of most national chain restaurants are incredibly mediocre.

Do people who live within 10 minutes of a coastline with restaurants serving up the daily catch go to Red Lobster because the food is good? Or do they go because they know exactly what the Cheddar Bay Biscuits are going to taste like. I'm referring to people who live in cities or places filled with good restaurants, not places where The Olive Garden is the nicest and most delicious restaurant around. I have been to these places. I have eaten at many Olive Gardens there.

Humans fear the unknown, in some cases to the point of phobia. There are people who refuse to eat at unknown restaurants or unknown foods, but for the mass of people who enjoy trying new cocktails, eating at new trucks filled with food, and finding the most authentic and delicious ethnic foods, what place do these restaurants have? An article on NPR which I can't currently find told me about a group of young professionals in the hip Adams Morgan neighborhood of Washington DC who started going to happy hour at TGI Friday's ironically. They still go every week. "When does it stop being ironic and start being delicious?" asked the article. I'm not sure.

Perhaps it's the constant wave of nostalgia that pop culture rides. The never-ending re-makes, the T-shirts of characters we loved as children, and the restaurants that our parents dragged us to when we were younger? The restaurants haven't changed, but we're facing more and more crises; jobs or lack thereof, relationships or lack thereof, family or lack thereof, not to mention the stress of just existing. Perhaps the comfort of a place that still serves a never ending pasta bowl, is just what we need.



* quotations indicate mere passing resemblance to the food they are named for

Burgers and Pie

Across the street from my work is a Los Angeles institution, The Apple Pan. Famed for their hickory burger, they are a little slice of lunch counter heaven on Pico in Westwood. Their menu is only one page and includes very little, most people order the Steakburger or the Hickory Burger, and French fries. The French fries are crispy and delicious, and the burgers include a lot of quality beef and a huge slice of iceberg lettuce which really cuts the deepness of the dish and makes you feel like less of a bad person for eating a giant burger with a giant plate of fries. 


The key to the Apple Pan is the ambiance, the men working the counter have been doing so for years, and adeptly take your order, deliver your food, constantly refill your drink, and keep the counter moving. It's frequently standing room only and don't forget to order pie. Their cream pies are the best even though their apple pie is the golden standard.




The Apple Pan
10801 W. Pico Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90064
310.475.3585
Closed Mondays

A Real Animal

Every month my boyfriend and partner and crime Eron and I alternate choosing a restaurant, choosing a place for drinks or something special afterwards and hosting a date. The dates range widely depending on our budget at the moment. This month, for our slightly more special six month anniversary, Eron took me to Animal.

Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo are the chefs behind Animal. They have been awarded with accolades and press attention for their restaurant as well as their book, Two Guys One Pan. The menu is heavy on all parts and kinds of meat, and is created using the products of local farms. The menu changes daily according to what's fresh as well as the whims of the chefs.

We started the night with the Quail Fry with collard greens, slab bacon, and grits. This decadent take on Southern cuisine was tender and crispy, though somewhat difficult to eat politely. I struggled taking the meat off the tiny bones with the suddenly too-big fork. 

The next course was a dish that can only be served in LA, and only in the summer; Heirloom tomatoes with blue cheese and cornbread. The tomatoes were what all tomatoes want to be, but only a very few ever will.

The next course, which overshadowed the others was the seared foie gras over a biscuit with maple gravy. It was overwhelmingly rich and decadent, tastes that I savored and absorbed, shushing my boyfriend while I closed my eyes to taste the sweetness of all three levels of fat. What really made this dish special was the pepper on top. Without it, it could have been too rich and too bland but the pepper helped it to step back, and helped me to enjoy it. This is one of Jonathan Gould's 99 things to eat in LA before you die, and with good reason!

Still hungry (portions are small) we ordered the Foie Gras Moco Loco. Imagine if you will, Rice, then hamburger steak, spam, and seared foie gras with a tiny quail egg on top. Levels and levels of what meat is meant to be, soft, strange, and with spam. 

We finished the night with the chocolate bacon bar. The cream which was surprisingly savory, really made the bar what it was and I was disappointed there was not more. The dessert felt more like it was falling into the hipster trend of bacon with everything instead of doing something really revolutionary with the sweet and salty taste in the dessert. 

The white wine list was impressive, but I felt the red wine list was really lacking in the fun and interesting reds that can hold their own next to the food.

We rolled down the street afterward, full of fat but happy. Animal to me isn't a place to go every night, it's a bit too pricey, and definitely too rich to make it a weekly or even monthly affair, but a place I would go again for a special occasion, or if I really just wanted some delicious meat.

Animal Restaurant

435 N. Fairfax Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90036

323.782.9225

http://www.animalrestaurant.com/

Buying Produce in Los Angeles

Farmer's Markets have the best produce. This is the truth. They usually have good prices for the quality of food that they have, but if you're not looking to spend a lot of money it's not the best place to be. It's really easy to go overboard. The best farmer's market is in Santa Monica. They have the best produce you have ever had, and will usually let you taste it before you buy it. If they don't have what you're looking for they can usually direct you to a stall that does have it. This is where most top restaurants in LA get their produce, with good reason. There are other farmer's markets in Los Angeles, they are all good and definetly worth a visit!

Santa Monica Farmer's Market

Arizona Ave and 2nd Street

Los Angeles, CA

Trader Joe's is usually affordable, occasionally has great unusual things, but for the most part I find that the produce is lackluster and doesn't have the best prices except for their bag salads. I really enjoy their bag salads, and I really enjoy Trader Joe's for a lot of things, but produce is not one of them.

Ralph's, VONs, Albertsons, Pavilions, Etc. All these places are fairly typical grocery store fare. Yes they will have everything but no it won't be in season, and you may end up paying for it.

Whole Foods is out of my price range.

Marina Farms in culver city is as close to a Farmer's Market as you can get on a daily basis. They have a tremendous selection of delicious looking, tasting, and smelling produce as well as inexpensive herbs and a great bulk section with lots of beans and grains and odd sauces, spices, and other additions to your latest creations.

Marina Farms

5454 S Centinela Ave 

Los Angeles, CA 90066-6964

310.827.3049

My secret?

Korean Grocery Stores.

The produce is dirt cheap, and usually very fresh. 4 bunches of spinach for a dollar? $1.99 for a pack of organic blueberries? Their selection ranges wildly, but can include tasty $.99 watermelon. Most American items are ridiculously over priced, but they have them. I get out of there with two bags full of produce for $20, and my penchant for expensive shoes is just too great to ignore the glory in that.

I go to the grocery store in Little Tokyo, but there are Korean and other Asian grocery stores all over the city.

Little Tokyo Marketplace

333 S Alameda St
Los Angeles, CA 90013

213.617.0030 

CHEAP GRUB ALERT!!!

Broke? You'll love my latest favorite!


Black bean noodles are a korean dish, with braised beef, onion and a deep smoky brown sauce. It's not spicy at all, but totally filling and delicious. I don't even know the English name (Jam Pong?) but it is one of my top Korean food favorites.


I found a place that serves giant bowls of black bean noodles for $5! Also huge delicious minced pork dumplings, 8 for $5!


Protip: you won't be able to finish the bowl of noodles, and the pork dumplings (named King dumplings there) are delicious and huge. Bring a friend and split it, tell them you're sharing and they'll even split the noodles into two bowls. They only serve one type of kimchi at the restaurant but you're both only going to be spending $5 plus tip. I think you'll live.


Yu Ga Ne
698 Irolo Street
Los Angeles, CA 90005
213.480.1289


It is the restaurant in the center of the parking lot for the strip center at the intersection of Irolo and 7th Street. The only english words on the sign are "Authentic Korean Dumpling" if I remember correctly.